I’m a Rock Star

If I was a rock star

I would stay out of small planes

Small planes = death

in the rock world

Well, country too

But that’s another piece

If I was a rock star

I’d marry my third wife first

Ignoring the high school/college crush

The one you really thought you’d love forever

Or at least told her so after she had your kid

And I’d skip over the model/actress/fellow star

That seemed like a good idea to the press

The one they merged your name with

Like a 3rd grader doing something clever

No, I’d marry the 3rd one first

The one who knew what she was getting

Who had read the interviews

And the ghosted bio

Who didn’t approve

of the trashed hotel rooms,

The groupies who always found

a home in your pants

The one who knows all that crap

And loves you anyway

She’s the keeper

If I was a rock star

I wouldn’t smash guitars

Those are expensive

Nothing makes you look like a bigger dick

Than trashing something someone

Would love and treasure.

If I was a rock star

I wouldn’t have to put up with this shit

That would be my motto

“I’m a Rock Star! I don’t have to put up with this shit!”

I’d paint it on the tour bus

Because rock stars don’t have to put up with shit

It’s in their rider

The ‘no shit’ clause.

If I was a rock star, I’d tour

An endless tour

Backrooms, stadiums, arenas, living rooms

Wouldn’t fucking care

I’m a rock star

I play for the people

I play for the money

I play to forget everything

but the music

If I was a rock star      

I wouldn’t have to remember you

I wouldn’t feel the ghost of your kiss

The faded tingle of a touch

The sharp edge of a broken promise

I’m a Rock Star!

I don’t have to put up with that shit.